Thursday, 6 January 2011

Making a good choice when choosing a husband and wife

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e., a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people).” [al-Noor 24:32 ] 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or sister, etc.] to him, otherwise there will be fitnah and great corruption in the land.”

The righteous man and righteous woman together will build a righteous home, because “the vegetation of a good land comes forth (easily) by the Permission of its Lord, and that which is bad, brings forth nothing but a little with difficulty…” [al-A’raaf 7:58 ]

~~~The Qualities desired in a Husband~~~
  • To be religious, because Almighty Allah says, (...and verily , a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater,etc.), even though he pleases you...) (Qur'an:2:221)
  • T know at least some part of the Qur'an, because the Prophet Alayhi salatu Wa salam married one of his Companions off for what he had memorized from the Qur'an. Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.

  • To have the ability to get married in respect to intercourse as well as the expenses of marriage and that of living after it . The Prophet Alayhi salatu Wa salam encouraged young men to get married whenever they have the ability to do so, and he said to Fatimah Bint Qays when Mu'awiyah proposed to her, "As for Mu'awiyah, he is a poor man who has no property." Narrated by Muslim, An-Nasai and Abu Dawud.

  • To be gentle with women, because the Prophet Alayhi salatu Wa salam said about Abu Jahm, who had also proposed to Fatimah Bint Qays, "As for Abu Jahm, he does not put down his staff from his shoulder," meaning that he was ready to beat those who would go against his will.

  • To be attractive to his woman, so that she may not feel disgust for him, as Almighty Allah says, ( Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means...) Thus, this qawamah (I.e. protection and maintenance), which men enjoy as regards their relation to women, resides in two things: :
   (1) one thing which is temperamental , and it is represented by the qualities of creation by which man has been characterized; and
   (2) one thing which is external (as the opposite of "temperamental)," and it is maan's supporting a woman financially. Qawaamah is established once these two things exist, and whenever one of them disappears qawamah itself disappears and aversion appears.

  • To be potent, so that the wife can conceive and have children, and this is one of the major objectives of marriage. And , Allah knows best.
**Istiksarah Is Recommended**

It is desirable for both the man who wants to marry and the woman to whom he has proposed to do istikhara concerning their intended marriage.

In general, whenever a Muslim intends to do ssomething legal and is bewildered concerning what is better for him or her in this concern, it is an act of the Sunnah that he performs 2 rakaah's other than the obligatory prayers, even though they should be from among the regularly-peformed voluntary prayers which are performed after or before the obligatory prayers and which are known as rawatib (regularly-performed). This is called the Istikhara Prayer, and istikhara literally means "asking (Allah) for proper guidance".

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